First, thank you to those who assisted with bringing meal items. I love this time for the boys to practice being present with one another as they eat. And a huge thanks to everyone's patience and flexibility as we shifted spaces during the rain.
To begin the night, I asked the boys, "When does a boy become a man?" to gauge their understanding. As expected, most struggled to write a response. Some guesses included turning 18, going through puberty, or (to paraphrase) when you "quit school, get a job, and live on your own."
However, the boys had little trouble identifying their strengths. If anything, they struggled to narrow their list to the top three. Next month, we'll bring it all together as they identify some of the past experiences that have influenced their life—both positively and negatively. We'll create a Venn diagram and mix their core values, strengths/gifts, and past experiences. In the center overlap, they'll better understand their purpose. I'll explain more later, and truthfully, a lot will change for the boys over the next few years. So, this exercise is more to teach that our "why"—our purpose—is discoverable!
We ended the evening with an assessment to identify how the boys felt loved. The questions loosely draw from The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers by Gary Chapman. You're likely familiar with his belief that tween's/teen's "love tank"—feeling connected, accepted, and nurtured—is filled by the following "love languages":
Words of affirmation
Quality time
Acts of service
Receiving gifts
Physical touch
While all five are necessary to express, generally, each tween/teen will prefer one or two over the others as their primary source of replenishment. As a side note, if you're working hard to love your tween or teen and it seems to fall flat or go unappreciated, Chapman reminds us that we often express our love in our love language. So, we can strengthen the connection with our tween or teen by switching it up and speaking their "language."
Speaking of love languages, nearly every boy selected on the assessment: "I get a hug" (physical touch). They may resist hugs in public or brush hugs off at home, so you might have to find that time they're open to connection. But Chapman asserts that "the root of much teenage misbehavior is a teen's empty love tank." So go ahead and give 'em that hug on their terms; fill their love tank. The other top selection for feeling loved is being included.
- Our next EQUIP BOYS is on Monday, March 4th, from 5pm to 7pm at the Albertsons' home. (Then Monday, April 1st; same time and location.)
- For additional hangout time, all the boys are welcome to play ultimate frisbee at the Paia Ball Park/Soccer Field on Monday, February 12th, from 4:30pm to 5:30pm. Bring water and proper footwear. I'll hang out afterward to meet with those unable to join last Friday night. Parents/Guardians, you're welcome to play! (Or bring a lawn chair and enjoy!) AKA: Kuau Ball Park/Makana Park: end of Lae St., Paia, HI 96779, just east of Paia Town on Hana Highway.
